I’m a crybaby.
That’s no secret to those who know me really well. I also tend to have my worst crying spells at the most inconvenient times and places. In the middle of CVS, on the train during rush hour, walking down Georgia Ave, and even in the locker room at work lol. And when they REALLY come, there isn’t any stopping them so I’ve learned to just deal.
Go ahead, cry.
It’s natural. It’s necessary. And it’s healing.
During my first therapy session last year, of course, the floodgates opened. Years of bottled-up shit just flowing and I’m looking around for tissue and there’s none in sight. I’m thinking to myself “what kind of therapist doesn’t keep tissues in the office? Doesn’t she know that people cry during these things?” Once the session was over she walked over to a desk in the corner and my eyes zeroed in on a small box of Kleenex, “now why the hell would they be all the way over there?” Once I saw them I asked for one and told her I had been looking for them the entire time and she says “yes I keep them over here so you all don’t see them and stop yourselves from crying. The tears are trying to get out so let them out. Stop holding on to all that stuff, your body wants to let it go so let it go.”
She was right.
It takes way more energy to try and stop yourself from crying when you need to than it does to just let the tears flow. I’ve had a few conversations with people over the last two weeks where it was evident that they wanted to or needed to rather, cry. You could hear it in their voices and see it on their faces that they just needed to let it go. I stopped them mid-conversation and asked “Are you stopping yourself from crying? Don’t..”
Ever since that conversation with my therapist, I no longer try to stop myself from crying when I feel the tears coming. (It’s actually pointless to try and do so anyway because, as I mentioned before, I’m a big crybaby.) Our bodies want and need to release toxins regularly. Tears are just one of the ways our bodies try to release the mental toxins that we have built up. Instead of focusing your energy on stopping the tears, stop and release them. Allow your body to do its job and attempt to cleanse itself of the mental toxins you have in that moment.
It may be draining, or exhausting, and you may end up with puffy red eyes. But you’ll feel just a tad bit better than you did before. And if you don’t, go ahead and let them flow some more. Sometimes shit is so rough, that’s all you can do.
So the next time you feel a big ole ugly cry coming on, let it. Release that shit.