Don’t Rush Your Healing

To assume you need to be strong all the time is to rob yourself of humanity. – Musinah

Sometimes, it’s frustrating and annoying going through a healing process. Whether physical or emotional. But, we’re human and not robots so at some point in our lives we’re going to experience painful situations. During those times we have to remember to allow ourselves to be human and feel. No matter our perceived strength, threshold for pain, position, or gender(yes men, you can have your moments too). We can also be on top of our game and still feel like there is something wrong.

It’s Okay Not To Be Okay

This, like most of what I write about, is a continuous lesson I’m learning. I want to be okay, long-term, and not just “for now”. I sometimes forget that off-days are and will always be apart of life no matter where you are in your healing. Whether you’re just starting your journey, or you feel you’re already there. For example, I know that my struggle with depression is not as intense as it used to be. Depression used to control my entire life. It controlled how I felt. How I acted and interacted with others. How I presented myself. It controlled my entire existence. Now? I still have my days, moments, periods of time but it isn’t crippling and I’m better equipped to handle. Grief, on the other hand. It’s been a bitch. Some days I feel like it’s too much and I want to run and hide in the back of my closet hoping that the big cloud hanging over me can’t find its way in.

Because pain isn’t comfortable, and we hate being in uncomfortable situations, it’s so easy to want to rush the healing process. We give ourselves so many reasons/ways to invalidate our feelings. Someone has it worst, it’s not that bad, it isn’t a serious trauma. And so on and so forth. We want to hurry up and be okay and to not be affected. Minimizing our emotions only leave them bottled up and creates a bigger problem than if we would just face them. (I’m continuously using “we” because I’m guilty as charged.) And it’s not enough that we rush ourselves, we allow others to rush our healing as well.

It’s easy for someone who isn’t in your situation to tell you how you should or shouldn’t still feel. The worst is when someone who experienced something similar feels that that qualifies them to have an opinion on where you should be in your healing process. Only YOU know how something is affecting you, only YOU can feel the pain you are experiencing, and only YOU know what may trigger you and set you back.

Real Life Application

Last night, I was talking to my therapist about not wanting to be angry and letting certain situations consume me. I felt that I didn’t want to give these things any more of my energy and to just move past it. I even told her that I wasn’t sure if I was going to bring it up in my session because I didn’t want to feed it. How foolish? Lol if something is bothering me THAT much, why wouldn’t I bring it up in therapy to help sort through my feelings and get that much closer to healing. I’m sometimes VERY irrational in my healing process.

I posted this VERY drawn out post just to say don’t rush your healing. You’re human. It’s okay not to be okay sometimes. Breathe through it, work through it, and learn from it. I leave you with this on-time quote from Alex Elle.

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18 Comments

  1. Reply

    Sheena Steward

    November 15, 2017

    This was great!!! I just had a similar conversation with my husband. People look at you crazy when you actually explore feelings/emotions instead of lying and saying I’m good. I try to be transparent but I see that’s not the norm. Beautiful post Ashleigh!!!

  2. Reply

    Kita

    November 15, 2017

    It’s ok not to be ok. SAY THAT AGAIN! So true. All this suck it up and get over it talk is nonsense.

  3. Reply

    EG III

    November 15, 2017

    Excellent observation. Everyone approaches healing differently and it’s important to respect that process for each individual.

  4. Reply

    Nanekia Ansari

    November 15, 2017

    I’ve given this speech five times this week. We can have emotions it’s okay.

  5. Reply

    terrihugg

    November 16, 2017

    This was a great post. I often have to remind myself that it’s okay to not be okay sometimes. As a motivational lifestyle blogger, I thought it made me a fraud to not be happy all the time. but I realized that having not so good days is a part of life too.

    • Reply

      Ashleigh

      November 16, 2017

      So true! That’s one of the reasons why I began being very transparent during my down moments because people perceived my life as perfect because I made a lot of inspirational posts.

  6. Reply

    staciesayzso

    November 16, 2017

    It’s okay not to be okay- I see this sign outside a church I sometimes visit. People need to know that instead of always pretending that nothing bothers them.

    • Reply

      Ashleigh

      November 16, 2017

      It’s definitely exhausting to pretend to be okay all the time.

  7. Reply

    cleverlychanging

    November 16, 2017

    I think as we age, we are more aware of what pain feels like. I think for me, now that I’m an adult, sometimes I realize my sensitivity to deep rooted issues that happened when I was a child. I think therapy is important for everyone because sometimes you just need to express what is vexing you without condemnation.

    • Reply

      Ashleigh

      November 16, 2017

      Yess! I tell everyone and their mommas, literally, to go to therapy. It’s definitely okay.

  8. Reply

    mimicutelips

    November 16, 2017

    I am only a week into therapy and I love it. It is helping me get clear on me, my thoughts, actions and why. It is easy for us to be consumed by life.

    • Reply

      Ashleigh

      November 19, 2017

      So happy you took that step to go!

  9. Reply

    thestyleperk

    November 17, 2017

    This is a great post, I completely agree! Sometimes you have to take the time to heal. I love the quote about crying and bossing up, lol. And the Alex Elle quote is beautiful too.

    • Reply

      Ashleigh

      November 19, 2017

      I’m a quote queen! lol I have them everywhere

  10. Reply

    ShellZ

    November 17, 2017

    You’re right, it’s okay no to be okay. Many of us hold our feelings in causing years of balled up emotions and brokenness.

  11. Reply

    Kiwi

    November 17, 2017

    Very powerful post. Also with the healing dont apply the fake it until you make it method because if you fake your healing you wont be heal. You will regress in your healing process so yes dont rush or fake the funk literaly.

    • Reply

      Ashleigh

      November 19, 2017

      Yesss! That’s definitely something I had to learn, to not fake it.

  12. Reply

    Tiffany H.

    November 17, 2017

    Even if you have been through something similar, doesn’t mean you understand the persons exact thoughts, feelings and no one situation is exactly alike. The best thing you can do is be there for the person while they are going through the healing process.

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