Today, I went through an old journal of mine looking for something my therapist and I talked about a while back. I found this entry from exactly three years ago. At the time, when I knew I needed to journal but didn’t know what to write about, I’d use random topics I found. The topic was “Why does _____ drive me crazy?”
February 5th, 2015 11:00 pm
Why does EVERYTHING drive me crazy? No, like really. Everything drives me crazy lately. Every-little-thing. It’s really sad and frustrating because my patience is tried daily, in every situation. I try to divert my thoughts, have a little more patience and just deal with things that are miniscule as if they don’t bother me at all but it doesn’t work. It’s actually quite draining. I just want to be free of it.. This.. whatever “it” is.
I also saw one from a little over four years ago that was a pretty consistent event.
November 14, 2013 12:25 pm
So last night I cried myself to sleep.. I needed that because, well I just needed it..
Reading old journal entries that I wrote and watching old video journal entries are a great reminder of just how far I’ve come. It’s actually bittersweet when I go back to those. The bitter part is seeing just how miserable I was. All the time. Like, I woke up miserable, went throughout my day miserable, and went to bed even more miserable at the thought that tomorrow would be the same. Sweet because I know it got better, and though life isn’t always peachy, I’m better-equipped to handle my low moments.
I think I posted this to just say it gets better. May not happen overnight, but it will. I have journal entries dating back to 2012 when I was in the thick of depression. That’s eight years. And if I still had my childhood journal I know I could probably find even more from as early as twelve. That’s a span of almost fourteen years. You don’t have to wait as long as I did to experience “better”.
It finally got better for me when I sought help. I started to changes the things I didn’t like (that I had control over). Weeding out things and people out of my life who didn’t need to be there. I took better care of my health, mental and physical. I started therapy. And I started this blog to help those who are currently where I was and don’t know how or if they’ll ever get out of it.
It gets better.