Kicking off the Love Month by answering a question I received a while back while single.
What have you learned about yourself while dating?
Two things I said I was keeping off-limits when I first start My Happy Journeigh was my dating and my sex life. I know some lifestyle bloggers openly blog about this topic, and as transparent as I am, I’d like to keep those two parts of my life private. My very first time breaking that rule was posting about a breakup I went through and then most recently a storytime post about crying on date with my current boyfriend. I think I’ve now found the balance between keeping those parts of my life private but also writing about situations that impact my mental health.
With that being said..
Things I’ve Learned About Myself While Dating
I had a lot of baggage to unload.
I mean, I kinda knew this. I just wasn’t aware of just how much baggage I was carrying around with me. Certain words or actions triggered me and brought up feelings, memories, and pain I had long thought I moved past. It would be as if I was experiencing those things again right that second and could ruin the present experience for me in a second. That was heavy.
I made time based on interest.
And so does everyone else. My life can get pretty busy at times. Between working, volunteering, exercising, traveling, and friends, I can sometimes have a pretty full schedule. My flexibility with my schedule definitely depended on how interested I was in the person. It sounds terrible as I type this out now but it’s the truth. I missed a whole concert to continue a date I was on with my now boyfriend. A whole concert? That I had already paid for? Yep. We weren’t even out and about, caught up in an activity. We had just finished a walk around my neighborhood and had just made brownies because I had a random craving. Now, if that same day I was making plans with someone who really didn’t have my attention, that concert would’ve been used as my “out”.
I can get over rejection.
My fear of rejection used to be crippling when it came to my dating life. Rejection sucks, it hurts, and I never could recover fast from it. What helped to move past rejection and not let it consume me is knowing that I’m not for everyone and that’s okay.
It’s okay to lose interest.
..and vice versa. I am not obligated to like someone simply because they like me and/or they are a nice guy. The same goes for someone I may be interested in. He’s not obligated to like me back simply because I’m the most awesomest person ever and I mean who wouldn’t like me?!
I feared I was unloveable long-term.
Something we as women do .. actually I’ll just speak for myself .. something I often do is joke about someone not possibly being able to be with me forever. I often joke about men I was interested in not knowing what they’re getting themselves into dealing with me. Almost as if the idea of someone wanting to spend the rest of their life with me completely impossible. I’m awesome (see gif above) and any man should feel blessed to have me for the rest of their life.
I have no set timeline for a relationship.
Not going to lie, I used to secretly judge folks who felt like they found “the one” in such a short period of time after meeting someone. How could you possibly know you wanted to spend the rest of your life with someone you’ve only known a whole three months?
Welp. I’m a believer.