Love Better: Understanding the Five Love Languages

Love. Such a complex topic. One of the greatest lessons I learned last year was that everyone does not perceive love the same way. There is no cookie-cutter way of showing it to those close to you and there for sure isn’t a one-size-fits-all manual. What we all do have is a love language. Knowing the love language of the people you spend the most time with is crucial because we can’t assume that everyone in our lives perceives love the same way. We have to realize that sometimes people aren’t receiving our “love” because we have differing perceptions of it. My love languages are Acts of Service and Words of Affirmation. For someone whose love language is Physical Touch, me telling them I appreciate them doesn’t hold as much weight as me giving them a hug when needed, or holding their hand while comforting them.

These are the five love languages and examples of how people who value each one perceives love:

Quality Time

These people value the one-on-one time you share with them. Whether it’s five minutes of your day in the morning, a weekly lunch date, or even “Netflix and chill.” They just want your undivided attention and time with you.

– Put your phone away while with them and give them your undivided attention.
– Make an effort to hang out when you’re in town or vice versa.
– Find an activity they love and do it with them.

Words of Affirmation

These people value kind words, they like to know that you appreciate them. Words of encouragement go a long way.

– Send them a random text throughout the day to motivate or encourage them.
– Send a card or letter for major life events.
– Congratulate them on their accomplishments–big or small.

Physical Touch

This one is pretty self-explanatory. These people value body language and touch. They feel the most loved by genuine physical affection.

– Randomly hold hands with them in public.
– Include a warm hug in your greeting.
– Spontaneous cheek and forehead kisses.

Acts of Service

These people value the work you put in. Really, they feel the most loved when you offer to help them in any way. Making their load a little lighter really shows you care.

– Offer to help with an exhausting task.
– Cook their favorite meal while they relax.
– Random act of kindness throughout the day.

Gift Giving

I mean who doesn’t love a good gift? People who value receiving gifts don’t just want a gift card or random find. They value a thoughtful gesture that takes time and effort.

– Give them a random “just because” gift.
– Remember things that hold sentimental meaning to them when buying for them.
– Perform a kind, unexpected gesture.

A person can definitely have more than one language and some value all five equally. Curious to find out what your love language is? Take this free quiz and share your results!

 

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25 Comments

  1. Reply

    heartunderconstruct

    April 7, 2017

    I was only just recently discussing this with my best friend & how much of an impact understanding the way in which different people best accept & appreaciate love.
    Seems like we fall for a one-size fits all approach & its crazy how a shift in understanding can be so huge.
    Good read!

    • Reply

      Ashleigh

      April 7, 2017

      Yes! I had to learn this after a friend said “well if you’re loving someone in a way they don’t perceive love, are you really loving them?” and that’s when I really honed in on figuring out my friends/loves love languages.

  2. Reply

    Marsha

    April 7, 2017

    I learned about these love languages some years ago and I like they way they are broken down. I have 2 or 3 of these and I try to recognize what others’ are.

    • Reply

      Ashleigh

      April 7, 2017

      For some of my friends I had to outright ask which one was there’s because sometimes it’s hard to tell.

  3. Reply

    kemkem

    April 7, 2017

    I love this post! The best part for me is to give undivided attention and put away the phone. Nothing tells me you don’t care more than you being on the phone while l talk. Disrespectful 🙂

    • Reply

      Ashleigh

      April 7, 2017

      Then that definitely means your love language is Quality Time! You appreciate when someone gives you all of them in the time you are together.

  4. Reply

    Jay Colby

    April 8, 2017

    If more people would understand their love language it stop a lot of distrust and confusion. My love language would have to be a combination of physical touch & words of affirmation.

    • Reply

      Ashleigh

      April 8, 2017

      You are definitely right about that!

  5. Reply

    feleciamonique88

    April 8, 2017

    So true. Affirmation is something I love to give and receive. It’s a special feeling.

    • Reply

      Ashleigh

      April 8, 2017

      It is indeed!

  6. Reply

    Toiia L. Rukuni

    April 8, 2017

    I think this is an awesome post! I am a work in progress when it comes to learning the 5 Love Languages!

    • Reply

      Ashleigh

      April 8, 2017

      Thank you. Learning the languages is the easy part, it’s application that takes the work.

  7. Reply

    mimicutelips

    April 8, 2017

    I had to learn this in my relationship. He and I had differing love languages. My kids have differing languages as well.

    • Reply

      Ashleigh

      April 8, 2017

      I’m sure that makes for an interesting household with all of you all having different love languages lol

  8. Reply

    Latoya Scott (@lifeandabudget)

    April 9, 2017

    Hmm, I don’t think I know my love language. I’m leaning towards acts of service, because goodness knows I love to lay back and chill if my husband decides to make breakfast or lunch.

    • Reply

      Ashleigh

      April 10, 2017

      I think we all would love to lay back and chill while someone cooks for us! lol If you’re curious definitely take the free quiz they offer and let me know what you get.

  9. Reply

    Kirstin N. Fuller (@thetravelindiva)

    April 10, 2017

    Great article! So the test confirmed my love language lol. You’re right we need to be aware and respect our loved ones love language.

    • Reply

      Ashleigh

      April 10, 2017

      So inquiring minds want to know, what did you get? lol

  10. Reply

    Kiwi

    April 10, 2017

    I think I finally figured out my love language. I am a mixture of all of course but Quality Time is my main one. I have stopped talking to men simply because the lack of time.

    • Reply

      Ashleigh

      April 10, 2017

      Knowing yours is definitely important so that ou can let others know how to love you as well.

  11. Reply

    Daria

    April 10, 2017

    Awesome post! I learned these love languages years ago and have been applying them to my life ever since. It’s definitely a day by day process but it’s so worth it in the end. Thanks for sharing!

    • Reply

      Ashleigh

      April 10, 2017

      Yes, worth it indeed. It makes loving yourself and others just a little bit easier.

  12. Reply

    thestyleperk

    April 10, 2017

    This is a great post to provide some clarity about love languages! I’d say I’m a combo of all of the above, lol!

    • Reply

      Ashleigh

      April 10, 2017

      That makes it a little easier to show you love, I bet.

  13. Reply

    Michelle

    April 21, 2017

    Great post! I think I have figured out my love language but this was a good refreshing post!

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