We have to breakup with that part of ourselves that makes us feel we’re not worthy of the beautiful things happening in our lives.
In early June I was still in the beginning stages of dating my now boyfriend. It was around the time that Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain committed suicide and I just wasn’t in a good headspace that entire week. I had a serious case of “Imposter Syndrome” going on and every little thing triggered anxiety. One night while hanging out with bae, I felt an anxiety attack brewing and we had already made plans to go out to eat. While en route to dinner I was honest with him in letting him know that I was feeling really overwhelmed and anxious and that if I was “acting strange” that was why. I was trying to be a trooper and felt that going to dinner would help me feel better but as the night progressed I just felt worse. I had so many irrational thoughts running through my mind and couldn’t get settled.
At one point, bae mentioned that I looked uncomfortable and I knew the tears were coming but I held out. Eventually, I excused myself to the bathroom and the waterworks began. I’m pretty sure the chick that was in there with me felt so awkward all she could do was continue to wash her hands and dip. LOL I felt embarrassed, stupid, and worried. “Why am I on a date with a wonderful guy right now and can’t get it together. And WHY am I in this bathroom crying?!”
After a few minutes I quickly splashed water on my face and eyes as a poor attempt to erase any evidence of the meltdown that just occurred and exited the restroom to try and enjoy the rest of the date. He was comforting and cool about the whole thing and I felt safe in that moment despite still feeling shitty. He could have been completely turned off, felt that I was crazy, or just didn’t want to deal with a chick who got anxious and cried on dates lol But that wasn’t the case at all and now we’re here.
This was one of many special moments between he and I that made me certain that he was it for me.
Thanks again babe.
Note: I was having a conversation with my good friend Jordyn some time after this and we actually had a good laugh out of the story. J’s chapter about me in her book will now be called “I Cry On Dates” and thus the title of the post was born.
I am worthy of a love that feels “too good to be true.”
I am thankful for every special moment we’ve shared.
I am open to continuing this love and all the everything it will bring me.
I release any excess baggage I’ve had from previous dating experiences.
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