Real Talk: It’s Not Your Fault He Cheated

Recently on Facebook I saw a video titled “Sis your the reason he cheated.” (Yes, “your” was used in the title, I didn’t create a grammatical travesty lol). In this video, the woman starts off by saying she does not condone cheating and that if someone is unhappy, they should simply leave. She then spends the next four minutes contradicting herself and telling women it’s their fault if a man cheats. Some of the reasons she listed were smart mouths, not allowing the man to lead, not respecting their men, and not catering to their wants and needs. There were a plethora of pick mes in the comments agreeing and even more men [Read: f*ckboys] chiming in as well. Unfortunately, there’s a part two (and now three) and if you were wondering, yes sis, she still thinks “your” the reason he cheated.

You will drive yourself insane trying to figure out why you were cheated on.

Pro tip: It had nothing to do with you.

It had everything to do with that person making the decision to hurt you and the relationship. Many times when women are cheated on, we instantly try to figure out what we did wrong. What could we have done differently? We drive ourselves to insecurity, self-doubt, depression, self-loathing all because someone made the decision to step outside of the relationship. We internalize and sometimes rationalize the act. And if we stay in the relationship, man, the paranoia, the fear, the anxiety. Wondering “will he do it again? IS he doing it again? Is she really just a good friend? Hmm, is that REALLY his momma calling or just someone he saved as ‘Mommy’? (LOL)”

Often times we come to the conclusion that it was all us, and none of them. Even if the relationship was in a rough patch, you’ve had a major life or body change, you haven’t been sexually active, you weren’t attentive, you didn’t listen, you were dominating, and whatever other reason was given…

IT’S STILL NOT YOUR FAULT

By no means am I condoning being a shitty girlfriend or wife, but I also still won’t condone cheating. Relationships take work, they’re tough, sometimes shit gets real. I won’t lie and say that I haven’t had thoughts of, and opportunities to cheat. BUT, self-control. That’s what homegirl and those who agreed with her failed to realize or understand. That person made the decision to not 1. End it. OR 2. Stick it out and address it.

“But Ashleigh, it’s not always that simple..”

Eh, eh. You will never be able to convince me that choosing not to cheat isn’t an option. If you’re not getting what you want out of a relationship, address it or end it. If you’ve addressed it and nothing has changed, that’s still not a hall pass to cheat. And I HAAATE those “What you won’t do for your man, another woman will.” or “What he’s lacking from you, another woman is waiting to give him.” lines used as a means to condone cheating.

It’s simple, he cheated because he wanted to, not because you caused him to.

*Whew*

I just had to get this off of my chest.

PSA: If we’re ever in a relationship and you’re thinking about cheating, do me a favor and dump my ass first. Please, and thank you. Laughing, but VERY serious. I’d rather have another spinal tap than experience being cheated on again.

Read more of the Real Talk Series.

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