My confidence and self-love are treasures that I guard fiercely because insecurities are always lingering in the background ready to attack. There are days, like yesterday, when I look in the mirror and still see a 213-pound woman staring back at me. This post isn’t about shopping for bras, I honestly just didn’t know what else to call it. It stemmed from me venturing into Victoria’s Secret yesterday because their bras were on sale for $30. I was already not feeling the best, but standing naked in the dressing room, staring at myself in the mirror brought on a lot of negative thoughts. In that moment it was easy to find every flaw I felt I had.
“Look at those back moles, another one randomly appeared. It looks so weird.”
“Having chest hair is so embarrassing, especially when I forget to shave it.”
“Oh another patch of skin on my stomach has gotten lighter. It looks so off.”
“You know, if I stand a little to the right and slouch I look a good eight weeks pregnant.”
“The muscle in my arms underneath the fat just makes my arms looks super huge if I’m not flexing a muscle.”
“When will my face stop randomly breaking out? And decide if it wants to be oily or dry?”
I picked apart any and everything I saw as a flaw in that moment. Even if it was ridiculous.
Please don’t get me wrong and think that I’m having an existential crisis or fishing for compliments. Just sharing that I don’t always feel the prettiest, or the sexiest, or the thinnest. And sometimes my negative thoughts about myself get the best of me.
And that’s okay.
I’m still very much so human. Fine and incredibly amazing, but still human lol I’m allowed these moments. I’m allowed these days. And I try my hardest to be patient with myself as I work through them. Because unlike the past, they never last too long. I no longer spend weeks and months hating myself. Wishing I could just change 1 or maybe 100 things about myself physically. I no longer look for validation in others and I eventually snap myself back to reality.
I’m a woman. A fragile woman. Who sometimes needs to remind herself that she’s the shit. And that’s exactly what I’m doing, even on the rough days.
Affirmations For This Moment:
I am beautiful.
I am thankful for Toni. Sometimes you need your good Judy’s to help pull you out of a funk.
I attract everlasting self-love.
I forgive myself. Again, I haven’t always been the nicest to me. Especially in moments like these.
I am open to continuously pulling myself out of dark places. Though exhausting, so necessary.
I release negative thoughts about my body.
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