Real Talk: To The Woman Who Feels She’ll Die Alone

This past week Leslie Jones tweeted a heartbreaking message about feeling like she’s going to die alone. Leslie, not being one to shy away from much, is always very candid in her stand-up routines, SNL skits, and tweets. She’s spoken about her hardships in dating before but this particular tweet pulled at my heartstrings. The post was a selfie during her workout session with the following caption:

OK back to cardio. But confession I feel like I’m doing it for nothing,” she wrote on Twitter. “… I really feel like ‘what’s it all for’ if the people you want to notice don’t. I just feel like I might die alone. Sorry that’s pretty heavy today!!

I’ve been there, and if we’re being honest, on my worst days sometimes I’m still there. Dating can be hard for anyone, but it’s definitely hard for folks who aren’t “conventionally” beautiful. Those of us who have to work at pretty. (This isn’t a cry for help, I worship the ground I walk on lol) It took me pretty much my whole life to accept my looks and be okay with what I saw when I looked in the mirror. And for a long time, I felt the same way that Leslie felt.  I was certain I was going to die alone and that my efforts in finding someone were in vain. This feeling lead me into the arms of men who knew weren’t “it” and to accept treatment that I probably wouldn’t have accepted had I not had that same thought lingering in my mind.

I think the number one reason this particular revelation from Leslie pulled at me so much is that I know SO many women who feel and think the way Leslie does. And with Valentine’s Day being around the corner, it’s a sucky time for a lot of single women who feel they will always be alone.

I never profess to have it all together or know all the answers but.. if I could say anything to Leslie and anyone who feels that way she does, it would be:

  1. Any changes you make to your body should be for yourself. Yes, the benefit of other people taking notice is great, but if deep down you can’t be honest with yourself and say you’re doing it for you and you alone, there are deeper issues that should be addressed. And you’ll honestly never be satisfied with the results.
  2. It’s okay to have off days. You don’t always have to be the funny one, the happy and jolly one, the motivational one. You’re human too and you have a right to any feelings you may be feeling at any given moment in time. Shame and guilt should not be in the equation.
  3. The wait sucks, it does. Especially around the season we’re in now where love is literally all around us. In stores, on commercials, walking down the streets. Everywhere. It sucks to wait around for something you really want to happen not knowing if it will happen. BUT, don’t let the wait run you into the arms of someone that isn’t for you.
  4. Love yourself. REALLY get to a point where you can truly say you love yourself despite any flaws you think you have. Rejection and not feeling good enough can be a blow to how you feel about yourself but put in the work to truly be able to love yourself in spite of it all.
  5. Bask in the platonic relationships around you. Of course, most of us want that romantic love, but in times of feeling alone or unloved, use and be grateful for the love of others around you. Those people in the world who love up on and cherish you no matter what.

Love and light to you all,

 

Read more of the Real Talk Series.

February 6, 2018

25 Comments

  1. Reply

    Dot

    February 2, 2018

    I applaud you for being so transparent and honest.

    • Reply

      Ashleigh

      February 2, 2018

      Thank you!! And as always, I appreciate your continuous support. It means a lot 🤗

  2. Reply

    Mia

    February 2, 2018

    So insightful as always ! You can tell you have real experiences because every feeling I have/has and your word of advice is spot on! I have to try hard not to make you my therapist 😫😫

    • Reply

      Ashleigh

      February 2, 2018

      Hahaha aww thanks Mia!! Girl I could write a book on the things I’ve experienced in this short 25 years of life. You know I’m always open to talk 🤗

  3. Reply

    BehindTheSchmile

    February 2, 2018

    This was extremely insightful! I think everyone, especially women, feel this way at some point in life. You’ve raised some great points about self love!

    • Reply

      Ashleigh

      February 3, 2018

      Thank you!! Yeah, a healthy self-love is so important, especially during moments like the one Leslie was having.

  4. Reply

    Kay

    February 4, 2018

    There are so many single women who feel this way, I know I feel it at times. Growing up I was the good girl, the one all the guys wanted to settle down with but yet didn’t want at the moment because they weren’t ready to settle down, literally have heard that I’m too good and they didn’t want to break my heart which I definitely appreciated the honesty but seriously? If I’m as pretty as guys say and a “good woman” then why is it that I’ve been cheated on by every guy. And now I have 2 kids. Sometimes I think that I’m no longer the standard that a good man would want. I’m just learning to be happy alone but still keep hope alive that there is a great man out there for me.

    • Reply

      Ashleigh

      February 5, 2018

      Learning to be happy alone is key!! Being happy alone and knowing that another person is not necessary for happiness, but an enhancement of that happiness.

  5. Reply

    cleverlychanging

    February 5, 2018

    I have 4 single older sisters and I think most of them feel this way. In opinion, it’s when you don’t care about the relationship and you’re so in love with you that you become the most attractive. The relationship that is meant for you will come, but to escape loneliness the relationship doesn’t have to be a romantic one.

    • Reply

      Ashleigh

      February 5, 2018

      Ditto to relationships not having to be romantic ones!

  6. Reply

    Kiwi

    February 5, 2018

    I feel Leslie too! It sucks being single and the wait, I am impatient. Just gotta keep working on yourself and exude the love you want for yourself.

    • Reply

      Ashleigh

      February 5, 2018

      Yesss! I think any single period is the perfect time for self-reflection and growth.

  7. Reply

    mimicutelips

    February 5, 2018

    I’ve had a man and still didn’t have enough self love. Society has a way of making women feel this way. Our appearance is criticized everywhere we turn. It’s tough not to internalize it.

    It is an amazing feeling when you get there though.

    • Reply

      Ashleigh

      February 5, 2018

      An amazing feeling indeed. I’ve struggled with self-love and know how rejection can add to that so I only hope she’s at or gets to a place where the love she shows herself makes her feel a bit better.

  8. Reply

    Kita

    February 5, 2018

    I saw that tweet and it made me feel so sad. I use to feel that way to until I realized that I need to live my best life for me.

    • Reply

      Ashleigh

      February 5, 2018

      Glad to hear you came to the realization!

  9. Reply

    Shar

    February 5, 2018

    Very very insightful! Thank you for sharing and I want to compliment you on your beautiful Blog!

    • Reply

      Ashleigh

      February 6, 2018

      Thank you!!

  10. Reply

    Nicole's LifeStyle Lounge

    February 6, 2018

    Amen. I’m just going to followe up in the words I posted on IG today… “in a world where you can be anything, you’re bravest when youh can just be you.”

    • Reply

      Ashleigh

      February 6, 2018

      Sooo true!!

  11. Reply

    Katherine G

    February 6, 2018

    These tips are so true. Putting your self worth into how someone sees you can be so tiring cause you will meet many people will see you a different way. I am learning that the only opinion of me that matters really is mine.

    • Reply

      Ashleigh

      February 6, 2018

      Yess!! and everyone is going to have an opinion on some aspect of you, trying to please everyone but yourself will end in disappointment every time.

  12. Reply

    EG III

    February 6, 2018

    You hit it on the head with #1. Sure, we want to impress people, but ultimately we must put ourselves first and make the decision that it’s a choice done in health and not vanity.

    • Reply

      Ashleigh

      February 6, 2018

      Yes, health over vanity!!

  13. Reply

    Gina

    February 9, 2018

    #1 is so true. When I cut my hair a lot of people asked me if I’d asked my husband if I could cut it. That honestly confused me because was cutting it for me, not for hime.

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