This past week Leslie Jones tweeted a heartbreaking message about feeling like she’s going to die alone. Leslie, not being one to shy away from much, is always very candid in her stand-up routines, SNL skits, and tweets. She’s spoken about her hardships in dating before but this particular tweet pulled at my heartstrings. The post was a selfie during her workout session with the following caption:
OK back to cardio. But confession I feel like I’m doing it for nothing,” she wrote on Twitter. “… I really feel like ‘what’s it all for’ if the people you want to notice don’t. I just feel like I might die alone. Sorry that’s pretty heavy today!!
I’ve been there, and if we’re being honest, on my worst days sometimes I’m still there. Dating can be hard for anyone, but it’s definitely hard for folks who aren’t “conventionally” beautiful. Those of us who have to work at pretty. (This isn’t a cry for help, I worship the ground I walk on lol) It took me pretty much my whole life to accept my looks and be okay with what I saw when I looked in the mirror. And for a long time, I felt the same way that Leslie felt. I was certain I was going to die alone and that my efforts in finding someone were in vain. This feeling lead me into the arms of men who knew weren’t “it” and to accept treatment that I probably wouldn’t have accepted had I not had that same thought lingering in my mind.
I think the number one reason this particular revelation from Leslie pulled at me so much is that I know SO many women who feel and think the way Leslie does. And with Valentine’s Day being around the corner, it’s a sucky time for a lot of single women who feel they will always be alone.
I never profess to have it all together or know all the answers but.. if I could say anything to Leslie and anyone who feels that way she does, it would be:
- Any changes you make to your body should be for yourself. Yes, the benefit of other people taking notice is great, but if deep down you can’t be honest with yourself and say you’re doing it for you and you alone, there are deeper issues that should be addressed. And you’ll honestly never be satisfied with the results.
- It’s okay to have off days. You don’t always have to be the funny one, the happy and jolly one, the motivational one. You’re human too and you have a right to any feelings you may be feeling at any given moment in time. Shame and guilt should not be in the equation.
- The wait sucks, it does. Especially around the season we’re in now where love is literally all around us. In stores, on commercials, walking down the streets. Everywhere. It sucks to wait around for something you really want to happen not knowing if it will happen. BUT, don’t let the wait run you into the arms of someone that isn’t for you.
- Love yourself. REALLY get to a point where you can truly say you love yourself despite any flaws you think you have. Rejection and not feeling good enough can be a blow to how you feel about yourself but put in the work to truly be able to love yourself in spite of it all.
- Bask in the platonic relationships around you. Of course, most of us want that romantic love, but in times of feeling alone or unloved, use and be grateful for the love of others around you. Those people in the world who love up on and cherish you no matter what.
Love and light to you all,
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