Loneliness set in hard after my breakup and I dated [read: had relations with] guys who weren’t it for whatever reason just to “put myself out there”. Before getting into another serious relationship, I had to make sure that it wasn’t just because I wanted someone to be with. I hated the dating scene and although I wanted out, I didn’t want to do so at the expense of my peace or sanity, and I certainly didn’t want to just settle for anybody.
How did self-care prepare you for your new relationship, and how did you allow yourself to open your heart back up while trying to heal?
Self-care, Preparation, & Opening My Heart
Funny thing is, I never felt like I had to open my heart back up after my last relationship ended. I’m a very loving person and that hasn’t changed even through heartbreak and healing. I will say, though, that I was not seeking to be in another relationship for at least a year following my last relationship. Don’t ask me how I got to that timeframe. Yes, I was actively dating, but I didn’t want to jump right into something serious after being with someone for years. I’d also had a couple of dating experiences that left me a bit jaded because of how they ended. There was a lot of unpacking simply because I didn’t want to bring unnecessary baggage from previous dating experiences along with me into a new relationship.
I was honest about my issues.
I pretty much shared my social media and blog with anyone I was interested in seriously. I couldn’t really share one without the other because they’re linked. I never stressed to anyone that they had to read my blog but I did express that they would learn a lot about me and what I deal with from reading.
I expressed the need for security.
Feeling secure in the relationship we were building was a necessity to me. BEFORE it officially became one. I didn’t want to worry about lingering exes or situationships that were left unresolved. I didn’t want to feel concerned about “sisters” or “best friends” that were secretly in love. None of that. Not feeling secure in a relationship is a sure fire way to see it fail and I didn’t want to invest the emotional energy without the security of knowing he was all in with me.
I made sure I had me time.
It’s easy to want to spend ALL your time with a person especially when it’s new, exciting, and the budding relationship opens up a door of happiness you didn’t even know existed. Think, first finding the portal to Narnia in the wardrobe when you were only looking for a cute dress.
When my relationship first began, I worked from home so I got A LOT of alone time and it wasn’t an issue. Now being back in an office five days a week, I’m trying to find the healthy balance especially since I practically live with bae.
I established good communication.
I will admit, this was one of the biggest downfalls of my previous relationship. Mostly on my end. I’m quick to shut down, especially when I feel wronged or misunderstood. I’ve since worked through that and am sooo much better for it. I’m not perfect at it but, baby steps, right? I’m better at the “hard” conversations. Both accepting faults and admitting them. (again, I repeat that I’m BETTER at it but not perfect lol) Conflict is better and more quickly resolved if we just.. Talk.