Last week, the trailer for Being Mary Jane’s new season was released by BET and I got excited. FINALLY! I feel like we have been left on read when it comes to the series and I think I can speak for everyone when I say we’re eager for closure.
Today, I found myself in an endless stream of old Being Mary Jane trailers and discussions on Youtube and came across the scene where one of the characters, Lisa, commits suicide. I forgot for a moment that that even happened on the show. In the “Up Next” session on Youtube was a 3-minute video of four women discussing the episode, [Depression/Suicide] in the title led me to click on it.
Twenty seconds into the video, one of the women matter-of-factly says “I’m going to go out on the limb and say I think that [Lisa’s suicide] was selfish of Lisa.” And she said it with such conviction. The next woman to speak’s reaction was mine exactly, “wow, wow, WOW” The thought that someone who takes their own life is selfish is a sad, but common one.
I can understand how someone who has never been to a low enough place where they’ve contemplated ending their suffering, thinking this way. I get it. You think “this person didn’t think of their family, their friends, the impact of their death, they didn’t get help, they thought only of themselves” This couldn’t be further from the truth.
Some people hurt so bad that they just want it to go away.
Each time that I’ve ever considered taking my own life, I often thought about how it would affect those I loved. I thought about how my parents would cope, my siblings, my close friends.. everyone. For some, this isn’t enough to keep them from completing the act.
Mental pain runs deep. At times, a depressive episode or anxiety attack can feel like you’re drowning in imaginary waters only you can see. That pain can get so bad that you think irrationally. You think you’re too much of a burden, or that no one would even care, or that your loved ones can and will keep on keepin’ on after you’re gone. That pain can become so agonizing, day in and day out, that the only relief possible seems to be to simply not exist.
The video continued on with each of the women expressing why they agreed or disagreed, it actually seemed rather scripted. But, it tugged at me enough so I decided to write about it. The stigma surrounding mental health expands so far. And, there are so many myths out there surrounding mental health and suicide that it often feels like a pointless battle to fight. But I’ll continue to use my voice to speak up for those who can’t.
Suicide Prevention Resources:
24-Hour Prevention Hotline: 1-800-273-8255
Me: Feel free to reach out to me through the Contact Me tab