So I decided for my own mental health to accept that I just wasn’t her cup of tea and try my hardest to stop analyzing why. …sometimes the people we think are close to us really aren’t. Sometimes, for reasons that often remain unknown, that feeling isn’t reciprocated.
Earlier today, a friend reposted a blog post titled “When You Realize a Friend Doesn’t Feel The Same Way About You” and I was immediately triggered. The title alone was a punch to the gut and brought back memories of several friendships that are now a thing of the past. Intrigued, I opened the article and was glued to it until the very end.
That article prompted this post.
Friend breakups suck. Especially when you have no control over their endings and you feel like you’ve never gotten closure. And if they are friendships that didn’t really end, just dwindled away with the wind, it can be awkward interacting with that person when it feels like there’s a big elephant crowded around both of you whispering “hey bitches..”
Over the years I’ve had a few friend breakups and friendships that faded into the abyss. I’ve had someone I consider a best friend just stop talking to me. Anytime I tried to reach out, I was ignored and/or brushed off. In a last-ditch effort to rekindle the friendship I held so dear, I sent this person a handwritten card in the mail. We had just graduated college and I sent a few people who had a positive impact on my four years at Howard a personal note of gratitude and thanks. I didn’t do it for recognition or to receive anything in return, but I did want to make sure that everyone got theirs. When I inquired about the card with this person they said, and I quote, “Oh.. you want me to acknowledge THAT sentimental card. I got it.”
And that was it.
That response sealed deal on the friendship that once was and I was heartbroken. Even now writing this out I feel it as though it was just yesterday. In a way, I beat myself up for 1. Feeling like I was “trying too hard” with someone who clearly wasn’t feeling me anymore and 2. Remembering that I, too, cut things off with a friend with no notice or explanation, and thinking that this was some sort of karma.
I’ve been blessed with some amazing friends, who I’ll always be grateful for, but I’ve also experienced some serious friend hurt. I’ve had a friend sleep with a boyfriend of mine, having another friend actively flirt with and come onto that same boyfriend, friends who talked about me behind my back in group chats with their friends, friends who treated me terribly, and the list goes on.. And that blog post brought back memories of it all.
I didn’t write this for pity or sympathy. But I guess you can say I’m in my feelings a bit. So, I’ll end this with a quote from a previous blog post of mine showing appreciation to the wonderful friends in my life who’ve gotten me through..
And to the ones who once were and now are no longer, I will forever appreciate the role you played in my life.