I'm Going Back To Therapy & Trying Antidepressants

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On the very top of my adulting to-do list is to get back in therapy. I have no real reason for why I stopped going. I just had a decrease in appointments and then stopped scheduling follow-ups. I love therapy. My therapist was great and really helped me tremendously. It’s been well over a year since my last session and it’s time to go back.

I'm almost sure I have untreatable depression. I'm okay with that. -Charity

Scrolling through Twitter I saw that from a friend and I felt so seen.

I’ve struggled with depression since my pre-teen years and when I’m okay, life is grand. When I’m not okay, everything seems to just be wrong. My feelings have been on 1,000 lately. For months, it’s seemed as if I’ve had a cloud following me around just waiting for any and chance to open up the sky and pour out all it has. My breakdowns have been more frequent and, if I’m being honest, my “bad” days are catching up with the good.

My remedy?

Get back into therapy AND try antidepressants.

I’ve never been anti-antidepressants. I know they work miracles for some, and were a fail for others. I just didn’t want to depend on a pill for my happiness. But, I’ve come to the realization that my depressive episodes affect me a lot more than I like to admit and I’m open to trying a new solution.

I’m scared, of course, of starting them. The inevitable mood-swings, feeling 100 times worse before I get better, dose experimenting, and the symptoms alone are enough to have me go back and forth on whether I REALLY want to go down that road. But, I can’t be a hypocrite and preach to “protect your mental health” and “do what you need to do to be okay” and not actually walk in that.

Affirmations

I am allowed to feel..

I am thankful for access to resources that will aid healing.

I am open to seeking the help I need..

I release feelings of shame, guilt, and defeat.

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