Don't Change Your Body To Please A Mate

Yesterday in a group chat, there was a discussion about Lil Kim’s plastic surgery that has made her nearly unrecognizable and how it stemmed from comments she received her entire life from men who were dissatisfied with her appearance.

This then led to a conversation about comments about our own bodies that we had all received from men.

One night while staring at my naked body a guy I briefly dated mindlessly uttered: “you know, if you lose your stomach your body would be PERFECT!


What sucked most about that moment was that was at my smallest weight. Around 150 pounds, easily sliding into a size 6 and occasionally squeezing into a four. Borderline starving myself with my strict diet and depleting all of my energy for hours in the gym several times a week—I STILL felt fat. At that moment I felt event fatter. In my mind, I was 200+ pounds again and all my efforts were in vain.

On the opposite end, I dated someone who made it indirectly clear that my weight LOSS affected their physical attraction to me. He loved my curves, my belly, and all that came along with that but I didn’t want to continue to look how I did when we first started dating.


You will CONSTANTLY be unsatisfied if your mate’s opinion factors into the changes you make to your body. Yes, we desire to be attractive to our mates but it shouldn’t be at the expense of your sanity or love of self. Any change you make to your body should be because YOU want to make the change.

Weight loss

Weight gain


Style change


A N Y C H A N G E!

We criticize our damn selves enough looking in the mirror every day. Sometimes the struggle to love ourselves gets to be too much. So, we don’t need the added weight of other’s opinions of what our bodies should look like.

I’m not saying to not let the comment affect you because we’re human and shit hurts. But don’t let that hurt prompt you to change anything you didn’t already want to.

Because the gag is, most will love (or fuck, if that’s your concern) you regardless.

Ashleigh Signature 2.png