What You Should Know Before Moving In With Bae
My boyfriend and I moved in together in May. A decision we made relatively early on in the relationship. We signed our lease after knowing each other for a little over a year. For some that seemed really fast, for us it was perfect timing. Our leases were ending a month apart, we spent the majority of our time at each other’s places anyway, and uh the DMV is expensive af so it made sense. Before the move I spent an endless amount of time on Pinterest and blogs looking up things I should know before moving in with a partner that helped but there are definitely some key things to add to the conversation.
The Relationship Will Change
This is a given. But it definitely surprised me just how much ours changed. Even if you THOUGHT you spent a lot of time together before the move, you’ll spend even more time together after. There’s no more “your place” or “my place”—it’s “our place” now. You are in each other’s space constantly. Things will shift for the good and bad. And you’ll have to work through this.
Your Differences Will Be Magnetized
This goes hand-in-hand with the relationship changing. Because you’re spending so much more time together, you’re learning more about your partner and yourself. You’re being exposed to parts of them that you weren’t exposed to before and it may just show you how different you both are.
Don’t Skimp On Space
If your budget allows it, go for the extra bedroom or den. Or the extra square footage. You’ll appreciate this when you have times where you just want to be alone but can’t tell your partner to leave. Like, that’s their place too lol
You Should Really Talk About Finances
This goes beyond “how are we splitting the rent?” This means talking about each other’s income and expenses. Each other’s debts and obligations that affect their finances. Who’s going to pay what bills or how much of what bills you will pay. Will you get a joint account? Whose name is going on what?
Financial issues are one of the quickest downfalls in relationships. The more transparency, the better. Especially if marriage is the goal eventually.
You’ll Probably Have To Schedule Dates
It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking that you’re spending adequate time with each other because you live together. But, just because you are physically in the same space does not mean you are spending quality time with each other. My boyfriend and I recently started scheduling “Intimacy Nights”. Every Tuesday at 8 PM. Sometimes it’s an actual date night out of the house that we plan. Sometimes it means turning every thing off and just talking about us. But it’s intentionally ridding ourselves of outside distractions, work, life and focusing on each other even for just an hour or two.
Get A Big Couch
I received this piece of advice from a friend after viewing her IG story saying she purchased a couch big enough for her and her fiance to be able to not touch and honestly it’s brilliant and I’m passing it along.
You’ll Probably Freeze (or Burn) Most Of The Time
I’m anemic. I can go without the air on most days. Bae likes to freeze me. I hate it. Dassit. Let him tell it I like to burn him. So, sometimes you will have to compromise on this. I just started putting my foot down now that the temperatures are dropping.
You’re Allowed To Do Things Alone
I’m a loner. I love my own company and doing things by myself. I honestly got caught up in wanting to do things as a couple that I forgot this fact. I’ve definitely had to remind myself that it is okay to do things alone, like hopping on a plane to another country or taking myself out instead of sitting in the house.
You Can Put The Toilet Seat Down Yourself
Or put the cap back on the toothpaste, or close the cabinets, or any of the other little nuances that shouldn’t be a big deal but we sometimes make them into big deals. Like yes, it'd be great if they did these things but it’s not the end of the world and I’m capable too. I’ve definitely been learning to choose my battles and save my energy for the real conflicts.
A Signed Lease Is Not A Marriage Vow
Don’t feel obligated to stay in the relationship if things don’t go well and the lease isn’t up. I know we all aren’t financially able to break leases and breaking up while still living together can be messy. But, don’t stay in an unhealthy or toxic situation because you live together.
You Can Move Out Without Breaking Up
I had a conversation with a friend who moved in with her partner and then they decided that it was best to live alone until they married and I thought this was incredibly mature of them. To be able to say “hey, this relationship is great, but we should live alone while we can before we step into marriage” and let that be that.
Remember, Your Shit Stinks Too
This is important because we can harp on the faults in our partners without taking time to acknowledge and work on our own.