Why I’m No Longer A Christian - Part 1
Out of everything I’ve ever shared on my blog this, by far, is the hardest piece I’ve ever written.
I’ve gone back and forth about whether I wanted to talk about it publicly and because it is—or was, rather—a major part of my life and my identity, I feel it’s only right to do so. And of course, to help others who may be feeling the same way and feel ashamed, scared, or confused about what they feel and walking in it.
Fear, as always, played a HUGE role in why it took me so long to decide to write about this. Recently, I touched on it in another post and it was well-received. Naturally so, some people had and still have questions out of genuine concern. It gave me hope that I could honestly and transparently write about this without negativity and judgement.
But, I know better.
I’m sure there will be folks who NEVER read my posts but will because of the subject. They will judge, they will view me differently. They will be disappointed, they will talk about me, they will question why and may even love or like me a little less. But, they will live.
Before I Continue
This post is absolutely NOT a cry for help.
I know all of the scriptures, I’ve sought all the “wise counsel” and this decision was in no way an easy one, or made lightly. With that being said, ANY and ALL negativity will be deleted, you will be blocked from any and all social media pages, and I will go on living my life, as will you.
I know you will question my sanity. I know you will be fearful of where I will spend eternity. And I know you will want to “bring me back.” I know, because I’ve been there with others who are where I’m at.
So be nice, or be blessed and blocked.
What Was I Most Afraid Of?
Honestly, the opinion of others. But a beautiful part of growing up and growing as a person is that I’ve begun to care less and less about what others think of me. I will not lie and say it doesn’t sneak up and try to paralyze me from time to time, but my days of people-pleasing are over.
I grew up in the church. I sang in the choirs. Had a short stint on the Usher Board. Was active in the teen ministry. In college, I was on the executive board of a bible study group and I even co-led a purity ministry. Church was life. I’ve met some AMAZING people in my years of being heavily involved in the church and I didn’t want to disappoint them. I didn’t want others’ faiths to waiver because of mine. My life and my walk in Christianity brought a few to Christ and helped strengthen the relationships of many others and I would hate to know that my decision made them question theirs.
But, this is my truth to tell, and my life to live.
Why Did I Step Away From Christianity?
The million dollar question.
In 2015 I made the tough decision to stop attending church. Honestly too many things within the body of the church as a whole hasn’t sat well with me for some time. Growing up in the church, being a PK, and having an entire family full of preachers, made attending church a big part of my existence. When I first began to have thoughts of leaving the church I was ashamed, scared, confused but after I did, it was like a rock the size of Mount Everest was removed from my back.
Last year I was finally honest with myself in admitting that I no longer believe in God and religion in the way that I was taught. And I feel peace and comfort in making that decision. Far more peace than I ever had in the faith.
I decided to make this a two-part series because it’s already long enough and I’m SO emotional right now posting this but didn’t want fear to make me back out of doing so. So instead, I’ll gather myself and my thoughts a little more decide what, and how much I actually want to share about this topic.
I’ll end this first part with this—I still believe in God, just not in the way that I was taught to.