You're Allowed To Be a F**king Mess Sometimes

Note to self:

You're allowed to be a fugging mess. It's annoying going through life thinking you have to have every aspect of it together because you don't. That's not an excuse to not constantly strive to be better but it's sort of a comfort to not freak tf out whenever too many things flip out at once.

That’s kind of the space I’m in right now.

I can pinpoint every area in my life that has a hand in how I’m feeling right now. I could list them out but I’d rather not. What am I doing about this? Trying to take steps to change or improve what I do have control over and sorta kinda ignoring what I don’t. I don’t know if the ignoring part is healthy but I don’t have the mental energy to focus on what I have no control over at the moment.

The best way to describe my current state is similar to the feeling you have when you wear a dress that’s almost two sizes too small. You know you should’ve given it up 30 pounds ago but you squeeze into it anyway for the night because you love it so much but now, you’re miserable. To add insult to injury, you wore the not-so-comfortable heels that go perfectly with the dress and with each step you take, you can hear your toes scream bloody murder. You can’t wait to get home to take it all off, breathe again and be relieved of the pain - but right now I don’t know when that feeling of relief will come.

But, I’m doing the work to figure it out.

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